Stories

Finding Arcturus in this new year!

The days preceding and after the new year tend to be a time for self-reflection and charting new paths. Sifting through a list of purposeful goals I found myself agonizing over my lack of progress. It was now Jan 7th and I hadn’t accomplished much of anything (unless analysis paralysis qualifies as one?!)

I found myself describing it to a friend in this manner:

There are two ME’s: 

One, who gets things done.

The other, who gets lost in inaction and emotions…

 

Oh, but it wasn’t just the first week of January. Over the course of the December holidays this ‘other me’ had taken over my days, making me feel weak and slowing me down. This is the version of me that I am embarrassed by because it is so far removed from the woman I aspire to be i.e. consistently strong, efficient, energetic and all good things…

I often resolve to banish this ‘other me’ into oblivion, and in the midst of one such bout of self-derision I realized what I truly wanted to accomplish in 2018!

 

This year I want to learn to offer myself the same grace and kindness that I am able to offer to other people. I want to go beyond grudging acceptance of all of my pieces, and embrace this ‘other me’. To hug her and love her, for she gives me the opportunity to slow down, reflect, and rejuvenate!

So, the next time I miss out on small tasks or bigger goals such as working out, the unending decluttering project, pending business plan updates, or even relationship goals, rather than spending even more time and energy getting upset with this ‘other me’, I will hug her and then try to move on to action mode. It all seems so clear and silly once I AM in action mode. But getting myself there is the battle!

So… in this new year I will embrace my brokenness, every little bit of it.

I am breaking out into a mild sweat as I write this because that is how uncomfortable this makes me right now. But if I am to ever grow into the woman I aspire to be, my self-love will need to extend to all of me!

Last year my focus was about mindfully looking for and celebrating my ‘wins’ – the big, the small, and especially the ordinary!

This year, my focus will be to practice self-love for this ‘other me’.

Happy New Year to you all, and may you take leaps forward in your own personal journeys this year!

Swati-Subhanallah-Smiling 600x400
Dancing to ‘Subhanallah’ At the Harry Potter Festival, NJ, Oct’ 17

*‘Arcturus’ is the brightest star in the northern sky. Known by many names, in Indian astrology, this star is called ‘Swati’ 🙂

‘Finding Arcturus’ has became a metaphor for my own personal journey and every now and then I will share parts of this journey

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